“I may try to protect myself from my sadness by not talking about my loss. I may secretly hope the person who died will come back if I don’t talk about it. Yet as difficult as it is, I must feel it to heal it.” ~Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Grief is a powerful force that humbles even the strongest of character. The pain of sorrow causes almost all people to feel sorry for self. You are no exception grief has invited you to a pity party; you may stay as long as you choose. Some feel sorry for a very long time. Others are able to muster-up strength they didn’t know they had and work through their misery and begin to build happiness again. All must feel and understand their grief in order to heal. Something for you to think about is if your grief experience has caused you to feel sorry for yourself and how long.
You can’t have your old life back
As much as you wish it, as much as you pray and hope, you cannot turn your life back to how it was. It can be very complex and painful when somebody you love dies or you experience some other horrific and lasting consequence in your life. Dealing with whom or what you have lost is like inviting a dark fog cloud to choke you as it hangs upon your neck-every waking moment. Understanding your thoughts and feelings is challenging. Sorting out what happened and how you face the new now in your life may seem hopeless. Terror, resentment, sorrow, depression, mourning, even hate and anger may describe your grief emotions. After your extreme sorrowful happenstance it is likely that you will feel sorry for yourself. You may often feel sorry for yourself. You are in the middle of an overwhelming crisis. Oh how you may wish your old life back! The big question you must answer for yourself is how long it will take me to reconcile my grief.
Crying releases tension and expresses your need to be comforted
Tears won’t bring back who or what you have lost. Tears can actually make you feel better. The capacity to release your emotions by crying can help you begin your healing journey as you learn to understand your grief and move towards more joy. Let us face it square on-tragedy in our life makes us feel sorrow about our new circumstance and for ourselves. It is unwise and probably not realistic for you to assume or declare you have everything under control. Let us be honest, it is probable that you have said why, or why did this happen to me, or woe is me. In many Eastern countries sobbing and crying are understood to be a normal part of grieving and mourning.
When I had my leg amputated
My grief journey caused me to feel sorry for myself. I was absolutely stunned as my doctor stood at the side of my bed with a serious look on his face and said: “Duane you really have two choices-sometime in the next year you can likely go and sing with the choirs beyond-or we amputate.” My sweetheart Joan, companion for many years, was there in the room. As I looked at her and saw her tear-up, bottomless emotions flooded over us. as we listened to Doctor Beal explain the whys and the what-fore’s. His description was crystal clear of how quickly the type and progress of the staph infection I had could take my life.
Frightened, terrified, panicky are words that come to mind. I felt torn apart. Passionate fear to this magnitude had never been part of my life experiences. My fears went off my emotional chart! As he left the room he said: “You need to decide soon. We have tried everything medically we can do to destroy that staph infection yet it is rapidly moving up your leg bone and will soon move to other parts of your body.” Even after fourteen years I still remember my emotions. As I mentioned I was frightened, terrified, panicky as I had never been before. Yes I felt sorry for myself. I felt torn apart. Passionate fear to this magnitude had never been part of my life experiences. My fears went off my emotional chart!
I quickly realized how little anything else currently mattered to me now that I was uncertain how much time I had left on earth. I felt a higher level of intensity and passion to care for myself. My prayers became more focused. I pondered why some people live through diseases like cancer or other extreme circumstances and others do not. Undoubtedly, I had taken life for granted believing I had a long time and how precious every day really is! I questioned why this happened to me. I soon realized it is a useless dead end question. Instead, my thoughts centered upon, this is happening to me, now what do I do?
It is beneficial to ask yourself how long you should feel sorry for yourself.
It is not a recently discovered fact, life isn’t far. You may very well be justified to feel sorry for yourself. Your trial may be because of a horrific tragedy. It may be necessary for you to have a brief petty party. You might have considered a short hiatus from everything. However, you cannot expect to wake up from your winter of hibernation to expect a wonderful positive joyful transformation in your life. Nothing has changed during your sympathy period.
As much as you wish, pray and hope for you cannot turn your life back to how it was. Some circumstances resulting from what has caused your grief may always be part of your life as you journey forward. You may often feel sorry for your lose. You will never stop loving someone even though they are gone. You might always mourn for what you can no longer have. Afflictions and sorrow happens. Your best question to answer for yourself is how long it will take me to reconcile my grief. Reconciling your grief, moving through your sorrow and seeking a happier, more meaningful life is worth all your effort. It is okay to feel sorry for your grief-stricken state of affairs. Nevertheless, don’t let your sorrow stagnate your efforts to make your own new happiness.